Orangutans Hired to Wash Windows
Barry and Seymour, hired as window cleaners at the home office. Seymour, on left, prefers not to use scaffolding and hangs upsidedown while washing office windows.
While we did run into some serious difficulties with a disastrous attempt to replace one of our shipping departments with chimpanzees, upper management does not want to give up on the idea.
Victor Shaneski, CEO, said, “You just don’t give up with one or two disasters. Look at the space program or American politics from 2000 to 2008. We’re in the shitter now, but we’re climbing out. My house in Miami is worth what it was in 1988. What’s the deal with that kind of monkey economics? Anyhow, we’re talking about getting back on our feet. A new day and a new age. Up by the bootstraps and back to the grindstone. That’s what we do. We’re Americans, dammit. So the chimpanzee project went awry and there were damages. But we’ve learned and we’ve progressed. Time to climb back on the horse and get into the saddle. This time we’ll be prepared with some metaphorical talcum powder.”
In a nutshell, Shaneski and Meeve Adams, co-owners of MooseBusiness, just approved the hiring of two orangutans in the home office.
“Basically, we’re easing them into the workflow,” said Shaneski. “We now have them doing the window washing on the third and fourth floors. These furry fellas just love it. They wash a little, peer into the windows to watch the workers then break for a banana or a grapefruit. All the money we were going to pay those bastards at Window-Wizzers is instead going to a special charity to save the homeland of the orangutans in Borneo.”
Shaneski is referring to the project to save the orangutan habitat due to the palm oil industry. Still, the debacle over the chimpanzee experiment is still fresh in employees’ minds and many have mixed feelings, including Naomi Flanders, Purchases and Aquisitions: Read more…
by Stuart Smartley