Chocolate Ruins Part of Inventory
Memo to Employees in Garment Division…
It has come to our attention that six hundred dollars worth of shirts were ruined by chocolate stains. So aggregious was this offense that Senior Management, in the body of Mr. Ed Adelstein, Internal Affairs, is looking into the matter personally.
“We’ve already taken fingerprints, which was rather easy, because they were everywhere,” said Mr. Adelstein. “I have a friend who was with the FBI for twenty years whom I’ve called in to help us out here. While we don’t think this was malicious, the culprit has yet to come forth and admit what he’s done. I got the word from upstairs that whoever did this should at least be suspended if not excused from the company.”
Just last evening, Mr. Adelstein took a team of three assistants into the trash bins to sort through the waste. Their efforts came up with sixteen Mars bars wrappers. Fingerprints are being taken from these as well. Plus, fingerprints were left in the men’s room. It is only a matter of days before somebody is called in for questioning. Closed circuit monitors have yet to expose any connection to this event, although two people were videotaped making love in the stairwell between the hours of eleven and midnight, April 30th. We’re looking for the party or parties who posted this video and sent it office-wide. This is not funny.