Horse Fails Breathalyzer, Misses Parade, Ed Wilkins Bites It
Ed Wilkins, long-time employee in Accounting & Finance, Miami Office, died yesterday in a freak accident. Apparently, said police, Mr. Wilkins tried to harness a horse to four boxes of photocopiers and haul them out onto the street.
Co-worker Angela Stevens commented, “It was unbelievable. None of us could believe our eyes. Ed comes in one morning pulling on his hair. He looked a fright, like he hadn’t showered or shaved or anything since Friday. This was a Tuesday morning I’m speaking of… He didn’t come into work at all on Monday. So he comes in ranting and raving about the company not inviting him to the Accounting Convention in Las Vegas. They selected two others from the office and Ed complained that he had tenure and he was out of his mind. We didn’t know what he was going to do.”
From what II (Internal Investigations Dept.) was able to piece together, Ed Wilkins and his son, Lester, entered company premises at 8:45 am with rope and duct tape and started gathering all the copiers on the floor. The appliances were just purchased and still in their original boxes. Ed and his son, a weightlifter attending the University of South Florida, brought the copiers out onto the driveway then tied them to a horse that they rented from Old Mill Stables. Their original plan was to take the copiers away and hold them for ransom. Mr. Wilkins, after tying the copiers to the horse, told his son to drive away and that he would handle the rest, not wanting his son to be accused of any wrongdoings by the authorities. Read more…