Exploding Cheese Not a One-Time Occurrence

MooseBusiness interns Eddie Bozmaan and Aaron Flentz, run across cheese wheels trying to get them to explode.

MooseBusiness’ Cheese Division, Switzerland, is in deep trouble. Last month we received a call from a woman identifying herself as Marsha Goodnature, Lincoln, Nebraska. She said that her husband, home from work on his lunch hour, made a grilled cheese sandwich and right before he bit into it, the cheese exploded into a million pieces. He wasn’t injured but his shirt and eyeglasses were ruined and the refrigerator magnets needed to be replaced.

Two weeks later the calls started flooding in so much so that a Cheese Hotline had to be set up. Chuckee Cheese began calling too. Six million pounds of mozarella had to be recalled because, according to regional manager, Leonard Pribble, “It started ’splodin all over the place. The kids were covered, the games were covered and we had to close the rubber ball cage and crawling tubes. Parents were asking for their money back, but the children were having a blast. You should have seen them laugh. We are planning to sue you.”

MooseBusiness Cheese Division spokesman David Grier said, “Cheese is not supposed to explode. We really are at a loss as to what is going on here. We were thinking of calling the company’s new psychic, Sri Kirpi, thinking maybe he could give us some insight. But we couldn’t get ahold of him. It seems he is somewhere away on a retreat with a team of college girls filming something called Guru Gone Wild. Figures, right?”

Denise Falls, Longmonth, Colorado, called our offices on Sunday and left this message: “You people should be ashamed of yourselves. My husband Larry is covered in camambere. We had clients over for wine and cheese and just before they handed over their check the entire cheese plate went kablooey. We want to speak to a supervisor stat!”

Company spokesperson Louise Simpson could not be reached for comment. Our research staff is still trying to figure out what’s going on and scientists are cutting into blocks and wheels of cheddar to look for tiny explosive devices, nitroglycerin and traces of gunpowder. They hired interns from a state school to run across  thousands of cheese wheels to see if they will go off like mines. It’s dangerous work, but some idiot has to do it! Meanwhile the cheese division has been contacted by the State Department to discuss whether the cheese has military implications.