Company Unveils Steak-in-a-Can as Innovative Airplane Food
VIC SHAYNE, PUBLIC RELATIONS, MIAMI — MooseBusiness today unveiled its latest culinary product, Steak-in-a-Can, predicted to become “the next innovation in airline food.”
“We’re still working on a solid sauce that warms up with body heat,” said inventor Glerd Kommers, PhD.
“Actually,” said Dr Klommers, “my invention was, like many others in the history of mankind, a huge freekin mistake. I was going for Bacon-in-a-Bottle when we ran out of bacon. I was so upset that I ran full speed into the north wall of the laboratory, knocking myself silly. When I came to, Donna Sothersby, my young assistant, was standing over me holding a frozen sirloin steak on my bruised keppy. She was also holding her right hand on my groin, but for no reason that I was able to discern.
“I was dizzy for a half hour then sat at my desk sulking like a Republican who was forced to donate to charity. I didn’t know what to do. I had put in three years on the bacon project and came up with a big fat zero. At that point, Miss Sothersby saunters by and says, ‘When you’re finished with my steak, let me know. It’s my lunch, so don’t just chuck it into the can.’
“Bingo bango. The light bulb went off and I put one and one together — the steak and the can. Steak-in-a-can. Why, of course, I said to myself. Why not? That’s when Miss Sothersby and I went to work with a steak knife and a shoehorn. We were able to fit an entire ten-ounce sirloin steak into a can fit for beans. The next week we went into production and here we are — Steak-in-a-Can. Brilliant, if I do say so myself.”
Steak-in-a-Can will show up nationwide on the shelves in airport eateries September with a life-size display of a cow drinking a rum and coke next to a barbecue pit in the sky with the slogan: “Airplane food used to be disgusting, but Steak-in-a-Can has brought things to a new level.”
While not clever or enticing, MooseBusiness advertising ad exec, Kevin Ogilvy, stated, “Our slogan gets to the point for the business traveler who is tired of rubbery bagels or questionable cheese dishes served on plastic plates. Now it’s possible to eat a steak on a plane, on the run and with a spoon. What more can you ask for? MooseBusiness is still working on getting it the right color, but that’s just a matter of the right dye combination.”